Honestly, year 26 wasn’t the year I hoped it would be. Going into each year, I am hopeful it would be better than the last, and in many ways it was. I’ve always been told my twenties are the prime of my life, but my twenties have been an uphill battle, probably because I’ve been told all my life to have these expectations for myself - graduate, find a man, get married, find a good job, and the rest will fall into place. My journey has been quite the opposite. I did graduate. I did find a job, then got a masters and graduated again, I had my amazing daughter, and the rest has been up in the air. Sometimes I ask myself, “What am I doing wrong? Why aren’t situations working out the way I have hoped?” I’ve placed impossible expectations on myself.
The main lesson I’m still learning in year 26 is to find worth, confidence, and beauty in myself. I’m still learning to fall in love with myself and to stop tolerating less than I deserve. Sometimes I tolerate disrespect and stay in situations I know aren’t the best for me because I felt that’s the best I could do at that moment.
Throughout my twenties, I stayed filled with shame and beat myself up over and over again because I knew I could do better and I sought validation in detrimental ways. I’ve dealt with the constant need for everyone to “like” me or for people to “see” me in a certain way. I’m tired. The last couple situations that I’ve been in that magnified my need to be “liked” and validated blew up in my face and is the catalyst in my self-love journey. I’ve slowly been on my journey to wholeness, but I am realizing that some major shifts need to be made in order to achieve healing.
Managing my depression, anxiety, mommy guilt, need for validation, and my people pleasing tendencies is a formula for anyone to feel lost. One of my favorite YouTuber’s Shameless Maya started her shameless journey a few years ago and her career, opportunities, and self-love grew tremendously. I’ve decided to live shamelessly. I will not be reduced to a life of shame, regret, and worrying about what others think about me. Year 27 is going to be the beginning. I’m declaring prosperity, happiness, and genuine love of self.
Here are the top 5 lessons I learned in year 26:
If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right.
Living in shame of the past and constantly worrying about the future does only harm to your physical, mental, and emotional health. You miss the beauty of the present.
Stop trying to please people who find you disposable and work on the relationships with those who have always been there for you and celebrate the beauty of who you are.
You cannot control the actions of others, only how you respond.
There’s beauty in this life, sometimes you just have to find your way out the darkness.
I have no choice but to be the best version of myself so my daughter can have the best opportunities afforded to her. Here’s to another year of growth and opportunity. Here’s to 27.
What are some lessons you learned in 2018?