Thank You, Next

Dear Kierra,

At 27 years old, you’ve had plenty of relationships force you to grow. You’ve had relationships teach you self-love, patience, and straight up pain and trauma. In hindsight, you can see the glaring red flags, but your naivete allowed you to ignore them. You’ve been ghosted multiple times which is an ultimate form of disrespect because they lacked the decency of basic communication. You can see someone for months and think you had a rapport and respect for each other, and then they ghost you like you never existed. Your friends told you over and over to move on when you were in the midst of it, but being hard-headed, you had to learn the hard way. Sometimes from the outside looking in, they can see traits you can’t.

If they would have taken the time to learn who you are at your core, they would know that you internalized how they treated you and you blamed yourself for them going ghost. You played everything over and over in your head, trying to figure out what went wrong and how scenarios could have gone differently. They would know your intentions were pure.

But let's be clear, the universe will not bring blessings to those who have an inflated sense of self or to those who feel that they can treat women any way they please. You never know what someone is going through so you need to treat people with at least basic humanity. In the beginning, they showed you what they wanted you to see, but they can’t hide for too long. They only looked good on paper. They were a fuckboy with a résumé.

It’s not your fault they found you disposable like they did the women before me and like they will the women after me. Society teaches men that they are special in ways they don’t teach women. You learned that how they treated you isn’t a reflection of yourself, but of their poor character.

I want to see women have healthy relationships without being required to endure pain. It’s not our job to finish raising men.
Be grateful for all your experiences because, finally, in 2019, you have decided to truly dedicate time to finding and loving yourself. You’ve been on this journey for years, but finally reached your breaking point.

I’ve got so much love
Got so much patience
I’ve learned from the pain
I turned out amazing
Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost
But that’s not what I see
’Cause look what I’ve found
Ain’t no need for searching
— Ariana Grande - thank you, next

Out of the trauma, you have built character. You’re learning radical self-love. You took partial responsibility for how the relationship turned out. You can’t control the actions of others, but allowing men to navigate and control the outcome of the relationship is a no go. None of these relationships are a loss. The fact that you can see someone frequently and still, in the end, be blocked and ghosted taught you that you need to look out for yourself and guard your heart. Were there red flags? Yes. You ignored them. Were you disrespected? Yes. You were talked to crazy and just appreciated the attention at any cost. Lesson learned. But look at what they taught you.

You have to remind yourself that you don’t want your daughter to go through half of what you went through. You must understand that as your daughter grows, she’s going to have experiences that will teach the hard lessons and you will have plenty to share when the time comes. She can say her mom grew from the drama, learned from the pain, and turned out amazing.

Choose yourself first. Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you, next.

The energy you give out will return to you,