It's a scary feeling when you start to feel a shift in your life that requires you to shed the dead weight of who you once were. I've struggled with forgiving myself and at times other people, but I’ve learned that with forgiveness comes healing. Most of the time forgiveness of self and others isn't about the people who you think have wronged you. It’s about yourself and finding inner peace.
Looking back at my early twenties, sometimes I cringe at the thought of situations I put myself through or situations I've tolerated from other people. I've allowed people to disrespect me and I also didn't treat myself too kindly either.
"Your tolerance is a reflection of how much you love yourself." - Black Girl Podcast
Over the past couple months, I've felt the shift. The past year and a half, God sat me down. She let me know that in order to move on in the next phase of my journey, I needed to transfer my energy. In order to move my energy in a more positive direction, I must change my mindset, and let go of the old story. The change in mindset is so I can move on to not only the next chapter but an entirely different book. Instead of feeling victimized and blaming others for how I feel they treated me, I decided to take responsibility. In doing this, I realized my tolerance of certain situations was a reflection of how much I value myself. I've struggled with negative self-talk and treating others better than I treat myself.
Who would I be without it all? I’m allowed to outgrow thought processes, acquire a different set of values and interests, explore new paths, and change my career path. I’m now learning to be thankful for the series of events that brought me to where I am today and not letting past traumas become my story.
If we constantly hold onto our old stories, we can never make new ones. I’m more than my past, present, and future. I’m a woman who has been through a lot of adversity, but without conflict, my story wouldn’t be that interesting now would it? It’s often easier to remember the tragedies more than the positive in our lives and create our life stories with our traumas as the focal point. I’m more than my pain.
Letting go takes hard work. Enjoy where you are right now. That’s easier said than done. To create a new life for yourself and move forward you need to start somewhere, literally anywhere! Therapy, new hobbies, getting back to what made you happy, and journaling can help you move forward into the new life you can create for yourself.
Here is a link to a podcast that dives deeper into letting go of your old story and a link to a nationwide directory for therapists of color:
The Friend Zone - Let Go of the Story: https://soundcloud.com/thefriendzonepodcast/let-go-of-the-story (starting at about 17:30)
Therapy for Black Girls: https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com