Nice For What?
As we get older, our emotional intelligence and communication skills are supposed to grow, evolve, and mature. Obviously, this doesn’t always happen. So, some take to social media to vent through personal issues rather than confronting their supposed perpetrator. And, others simply “ghost.” You know, when one party is left in the dark about what happened after an argument or even after what one thought was a seemingly normal interaction. “Ghosting” can happen in all types of relationships ---friends, family, dating, etc. I’ve met people that I’ve interacted with consistently for a week or two, planning to get lunch or otherwise, then all of a sudden...poof! They’re ghost.
In order to have healthy ties with other humans, it’s important to be open and transparent about your needs, concerns, and boundaries. In my previous post titled “Learning My Worth,” I defined emotional intelligence as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” The issue when someone lacks emotional intelligence is the judicious and empathetic part. Lacking good judgment and empathy is all too common, especially when dealing with men if we’re being honest.
For example, a guy recently reached out to me in the strangest way possible, but I was flattered nonetheless. He asked if I was single and after a couple days we hung out. He picked me up from my house and we went to the gym. I’ve been wanting to workout and he loved working out, so that’s how we initially got to know each other. Following our gym session, he mentioned future hangouts/date options, so I thought things were going well. We planned on seeing each other again that weekend. Mind you, we texted throughout the day, every day since he reached out to me the week prior. We communicated up until two hours before the point we were supposed to go out that Saturday. What happened? He didn’t show up and I never heard from him again.
No call. No text. No form of communication. He completely ghosted.
When discussing ghosting, the person being ghosted is left feeling that they were the problem. I’m an anxious person in general, so usually, I think of the worst possible scenario for most situations.
This particular situation left me thinking, what was the point? Why disrespect someone’s time and emotions? Where is the decency? Mind you, I have a daughter, so I had to plan a couple days ahead to make sure I had someone to watch her. Wasting my time with zero explanation is the ultimate form of disrespect.
Step up your communication game.
Developing your emotional intelligence goes hand-in-hand with stepping up your communication. It’s pivotal to master in all of the relationships in your life, not just with a partner.
I used to fear speaking up or asking questions, in efforts to simply be nice. But, like Drake said, nice for what? Someone else’s poor interpersonal skills are a reflection of whatever they’re dealing with, and it has nothing to do with me. A simple lesson one should learn as a child is, “treat others the way you wish to be treated.” Think about if you were the one to ghost someone, which I’m sure some of you reading this have been, how could you have better handled the situation? I’ve been guilty of ghosting someone before too, out of fear.
As we grow older though, we all get to choose what type of men and women we want to be. We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves. I’ve always wondered what makes people treat others poorly. I used to tolerate a lot, but no longer. I’ve learned in my 20-something years, that closed mouths continue the cycle of various forms of disrespect and confusion.
Reclaiming. My. Time.